Dear Ryan...
Dear Ryan,
Why did you have to leave us so soon? Maybe you had accomplished everything you wanted in this life and wanted to move on to bigger and better things? So many beautiful and poignant words have been written and said about you and they are all well deserved. I don't think you knew how many saw you as a father figure in this world.
I first met you as a patient when you came to me for your eye exam and then I proceeded to forget you. Sometime later when I became more active on Twitter you approached me and told me I was your eye doctor. Small world I thought, and shortly thereafter we became friends and formed our #dinnercrew. Thank you for welcoming this guy from the east coast with open arms to Hawaii. I can only hope that we contributed to your happiness as much as you contributed to ours. As I mentioned on your Facebook page, you are an inspiration to me and to countless others.
According to the Kubler-Ross model of The Five Stages of Grief, the first stage of dealing with grief and tragedy is denial. I can't remember how many times I've said "This can't be happening" or "I feel fine" these past two days. Right now for me anger and bargaining are much further down the spectrum.
Please realize your legacy here will live on with me and many others. I'm making a commitment to ask myself "How would Ryan help this patient?" whenever I am in clinic. It's the minimum I can do for everything you have done for us.
I've caught myself in moments looking up in the sky and thinking of you smiling and looking down on us. On my back is tattooed the last phrase of Psalm 23, "And I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever." And I'll think of you wistfully Ryan, whenever I hear that read.
I miss you.
Your friend,
John Noblezada
